Please note: While this article contains no graphic language or depictions, these topics can be upsetting for many readers. Feel free to take a break or stop anytime, and if you discuss these matters with your group - even if it's just to make sure no one wants them to come up at the table - be mindful of your groupmates' boundaries. Not everyone is ready to talk with anyone about these violations anytime, anywhere.
"The Abduction of the Sabine Women (1634-1635)" by Nicolas Poussin at the Met NYC is in the public domain
Many gamers are shocked at the idea of bringing rape or sexual assault into a fantasy RPG, but it can and does happen, so it's best to be prepared. Whether we like it or not, rape is part of our world and our storytelling. As a result, the topic could arise anytime. Even if you're sure no one in your group would mention it on game day, someone could surprise you. Non-consensual intercourse (rape) may be the result of force or threats, but can also happen due to inebriation or incapacitation. Sexual assault covers a wide range of unwanted behaviors outside of penetration. So it doesn't have to take much - a single action, description, or joke - to take a game session into unpleasant territory.
Even if you know your groupmates well, they might not have told you about past experiences of such a sensitive nature. And even if you're certain your group won't care or be offended, you don't know how they'll react when these matters come up. There's no way to know someone's history with rape or how they feel about sexual assault in every circumstance. They might not even anticipate how they'll respond - and you might not expect your own feelings, either. The fact of the matter is, you don't have to be raped to have strong feelings about it. And if you aren't prepared, you could handle it poorly and do serious damage to friendships and the group itself.
Session Zero is an ideal time to establish ground rules about rape for your group, but it may not be the best time or only time. If you're a concerned player, it's probably a good idea to bring it up with the GM privately first. If you're a GM, my advice is to poll the group about the best time and mode to discuss it. The group may prefer a group chat or some other asynchronous, text-based discussion or to handle it between sessions. Giving your groupmates some warning and choices can make them feel more comfortable and make the whole discussion easier.
Either way, it's a good idea to decide on one of these options first:
Sexual aggression shouldn't be mentioned at all.
It's acceptable as a topic outside gameplay, with restrictions.
It's acceptable as a topic of discussion in-game, with conditions.
If anyone in the group doesn't want sexual aggression to be a factor in any way, that should be honored. While it can be okay to ask for clarification, whoever dissents shouldn't be pressured to change their mind.
Many groups aren't going to be comfortable with discussing rape in detail and at any time, even if they're okay with it coming up at the table in a general sense. Agreeing to avoid explicit details will help. Some may appreciate being warned beforehand; others will want the power to veto the topic if they don't want to deal with it at a particular time. Quite a few will be uncomfortable with rape humor, even if jokes are about bad people.
If the group agrees to allow sexual aggression as a theme during gameplay, it's best to consider some common conditions:
It can be a component of history and myths in the setting but not present characters' lives.
It can be restricted to NPCs' histories or "off-screen" experiences and presented second or third-hand.
It can occur in NPCs' lives and may be discussed first-hand.
It can be allowed in PC backgrounds but not current play.
Creating distance between the players and evidence of assault in-game can ease discomfort. It's less likely to be deeply upsetting if it's a sporadic element in a campaign's history and lore. Allowing present-day NPCs to be perpetrators or survivors means PCs may interact with them and hear their experiences directly, which can quickly become disturbing. If news media or other NPCs inform the player characters, that distance can make these crimes a little easier to hear about.
When all seems to be said and done, it may not be - you may have to discuss these things more than once. Preferences can change and boundaries might be breached, inside the game or outside of it (during transit, breaks, text exchanges, etc.), whether everyone is aware or not. If anyone believes the group needs to revisit these topics, take them seriously and don't assume you know all of their reasons why. If someone has a strong reaction to these matters while the group is together, call for a break, see if they're okay, and ask when everyone wants to check in. But if anyone does or says something that violates the group's boundaries or hasn't been covered yet, it's better to stop and talk about it right away. Waiting until after a session is over could leave a lot of room for bad behavior, confusion, and upset feelings.
Once the PCs are involved, chances for problems go up. Allowing players to include non-consensual experiences in their characters' backgrounds can work, but only if everyone at the table is okay with the implications. These violations may influence what PCs do and become the topic of conversation with the group, often out of the blue. A PC survivor or perpetrator may relate their experiences first-hand, which can be far heavier than others are ready for during gameplay. And it's much more difficult for a group to avoid a fellow player character than an NPC.
It's best to avoid graphic language and details when discussing assaults and their aftermaths. Whether NPCs are talking or PCs are reading official reports, explicit details are rarely necessary for everyone to understand what happened. Many gamers don't want to dwell on the particulars of sex crimes during their hobby time, either. Vulgar language can swiftly make things worse. Insulting perpetrators can be okay when it shows strong disapproval of their deeds. But describing sex crimes in a vulgar way can be seen as fetishizing it, and no one should want that. Using proper terms for things and avoiding lasciviousness is best when relating these crimes. Keeping it simple also keeps it brief, which can keep discomfort from rising.
As much as possible, elements of sexual assault should be portrayed in a serious tone. Even if your group is okay with characters making snide comments about survivors, it should be clear that those at the table are not following suit. If your group wants to explore how survivors struggle for justice, that's fine, but be sure they're humanized in the story, even if they're ridiculed by other characters. This might lead people to ask for breaks when things get heavy, but can discourage caricature and jokes that lead to arguments.
After decades of hearing horror stories related to these themes, I must say this: Never allow rape or sexual assault during active gameplay. This means that no character - NPC or PC - should try to sexually violate anyone. If a stated action or goal seems like it will lead to sexual harm, say so. It doesn't matter if the person is a player or GM or if the group is in the middle of combat - stop the session. Ask the person to explain their reason and goal. If it's rapey, ask them to revise it. And if it becomes apparent that they're going to try to rape a character anyway, stop everything. Don't wait. Don't assume that reducing sexual assault to dice rolls will make it better; it won't. No matter how grimdark the setting or how mature the gamers are, most groups will suffer lasting harm from trying to play out such things.
Please remember that many people struggle to speak up when they're disgusted or horrified. This can happen to anyone, including extroverts known for their boldness. Even if you've gamed together for years, don't assume others are okay with these themes when they arise. Silence should never be taken for consent; discussion is the only way to ensure respect for everyone.
It's also worth noting that laughter may not be a sign of mocking or flippancy. Laughter is a common - and often unconscious - reaction to nervousness or surprise. Before assuming the worst, take a break. Nervous giggles may die down before you reconvene. Either way, everyone should be a little more level-headed before figuring out how people feel and how to proceed.
If a group can't reach a consensus or won't honor everyone's wishes, it's best not to keep gaming together. That may be difficult to admit, especially when you game with friends or went through a lot to find a group. But you deserve to play with people who trust and support you, and these themes may reveal that your current group isn't the one for you.
When it's carefully employed, rape can be a potent element in tabletop storytelling. It can showcase the best and worst in characters of all kinds, in just about any milieu. It can - and should - inspire empathy for survivors and those who care about them, at least in the players, if not their characters. (Since evil campaigns are possible, this distinction must be made.) Sexual crimes raise questions about justice and how to secure it, and reveal personal and social costs. Survivors could develop lasting signs of trauma that affect play, but not all of them will, especially if they're well-supported in the aftermath. Rape is often used to explain why characters suffer and struggle, but it can also be why they strive for better and help others.
Let's cover some common concerns and ways to approach them.
Rape often comes up for the first time in character backstories. In a way, this makes sense: not all characters have happy histories, and a character's backstory might not be used during play. In addition to that, rape may be associated with certain races, species, or other groups in tabletop settings. Initially, half-orcs were said to usually be the result of rape since orcs were evil raiders and slavers. Recent editions of D&D have moved away from this with good reason, but some groups might be okay with rape in a PC's history.
Even if it's just one player's idea for their character, however, what I outlined before stands: the group's comfort level should be worth more than a twist in a backstory.
It's easy to feel this way, to be sure. Most of us have strong feelings about sexual assault in any form, wherever it arises, whether we have direct experience with it or not. The idea of including rape in a fantasy game is radical and distasteful to many, particularly since gaming is a hobby many use to unplug from the ugliness of the real world for a while.
But some latitude for differences in storytelling should be allowed. Rape has been an element in stories since ancient times, for a variety of reasons. Mentioning it doesn't mean the person approves of it in real life or wants it to play out during a session. A player might say their character attempts sexual assault because the character is evil and antisocial (see below). That doesn't mean they'd ever consider doing similar things in real life. And someone who wants to include it in their character's backstory may not have a personal history with it or fantasies about it. They may want to explore how a character recovers, learns to trust again, and builds an amazing life despite that harm. Before assuming the worst, it's best to have an open conversation to see if they can explain where they're coming from.
At the same time, gamers shouldn't be afraid to stop and state (or restate) their preferences. Just because some members of a group are okay with discussing or including rape in stories doesn't mean they should be able to proceed. Either everyone's on board, or the ship shouldn't sail. And it's always okay to trust your gut. If a player or GM brings up sexual assault in a disturbing way, makes jokes that feel demeaning, or makes advances that feel threatening, prepare a plan to exit safely and leave as soon as you can. Enlist help if you have to. It's better to lose out on gaming than to be at risk of real harm.
Just because a character is evil doesn't mean they'll expect or accept being targeted for sexual assault. They may enjoy violent pastimes and be completely disgusted by sexual crimes, especially ones aimed at them. Characters can also grow up in abusive cultures without experiencing rape. "But their society is evil!" doesn't mean that sort of evil has happened to everyone in that culture.
Assuming that players should expect the threat of rape because certain conditions exist is unreasonable. Tabletop RPGs are fictional games; nothing has to happen unless a group wishes it. Characters' genders, statistics, or other characteristics shouldn't make them special targets for assault. If an evil cleric fails her saving throw and is knocked unconscious during a random encounter, it'll be a nasty moment for the whole group if the fighter turns to his brother and says: "I get her first." Being a possible target for rape should not be the price of admission to any game.
TTRPGs are exercises in imagination and shared norms. Each group creates their own version of reality for their campaign, and they don't have to follow books, trends, or Real LifeTM precedents if they don't want to. Sexual crimes don't have to be part of war or other events. Moral ambiguity can be encouraged without excusing sexual assault. And no campaign will be 100% historically accurate, even if it's run by and for scholars. For these reasons and more, arguments that rape must be included due to realism don't hold up.
Some gamers assume that force is an acceptable option when sex is available in a game and the setting is fictional. This is more likely to occur in games that feature morally troubled characters but can happen in any campaign. Evil campaigns offer players chances to do things they normally wouldn't do when portraying heroes. (These are usually things they would never want to do in real life, as noted before.) Good characters can get away with some lying and stealing, and killing wicked enemies, but evil characters might feel like they can get away with doing anything to anyone. And their players might feel entitled to try.
A GM can keep these assumptions from setting in by making it clear that just because their characters can do many unsavory things, there will be limits on what players should instigate at the table. Working with the group to establish how sexual assault and rape will be portrayed regardless of how aggressive characters get in other ways is another vital step. If this isn't clarified early, once characters pass a "point of no return," players might assume sexual aggression is allowed or inevitable. There are many paths to utter villainy, however, and sexual crimes don't need to be performed to make a character reprehensible.
A GM should mitigate these assumptions by making it clear that just because characters can do many unsavory things, there will be limits on what players should instigate at the table. Establishing how sexual assault and rape will be portrayed regardless of how aggressive characters become in other ways is another vital step. If this isn't clarified early, once characters pass a "point of no return," players might assume sexual aggression is allowed. Some may believe that rape is the inevitable next step down the highway to Hell.
There are many paths to villainy, however, and sexual crimes don't have to be part of a fall from grace. And in case it needs to be said: "But it's what my character would do!" is never an acceptable excuse for disregarding a group's boundaries.
Some groups allow player characters to fight and even kill each other. This is more common in evil campaigns but isn't unheard of in others. Rape amongst player characters is not advisable in any context, however. Whether an attacker gets everything they aimed for or is thwarted won't matter. In the vast majority of groups, a PC who even talks about raping another PC won't be trusted and players will probably end up at odds.
PC-on-PC sexual assault is volatile regardless of the type of campaign or how well groupmates know each other. Keeping it out of player-versus-player actions is the best way to safeguard your group and friendships.
It all comes down to this: the well-being of everyone in a group should supersede any preexisting notions about how a game should be. With enough imagination, you can make sure everyone at the table is engaged and enriched, even when their characters are struggling. Elements of sexual assault may help you make important points in your stories, but they can also be misused. In modern media, rape is often used as a lazy shortcut to inject trauma into a character, group, or setting. You know how some writers have their villains kill animals to show they're the worst? Rape is also sometimes used as a quick way to shock, disgust, and turn audiences against characters. But games are tales we weave together, and we deserve - and can do - better.
We can imagine anything we want in tabletop roleplaying games, and to keep our groups comfortable, we should be willing to think of alternatives. And no one at the table has to do this work alone - everyone can and should take part in finding suitable compromises. A worthy goal for every game is to make sure no one walks away feeling personally hurt by what they've experienced. We may not have as much control over real-world events, but we can shape what happens in our games. By practicing respect, communication, and consideration, we can make our corner of the world a safer, better place.
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